Archive

Parenting Fail

My Thoughts on Go To Your Room and Its Terrible Tips for Raising Kids A 2020 book by a French psychologist has created a storm online, as she claims even babies can understand they have broken the rules, and the ideal punishment for those* is to be isolated in their

The Thread I Didn't Know I Was Following

The Accidental Education of Linda Clement I started out helping the parents I was babysitting for understand their kids, from a teen's perspective – I remember (still) being 6 years old, and 4, and even 18 months old. This is a perspective many adults lack, I know. I understand

Children Fighting

And why parents must treat the victims first Basic Triage = treat the victims first Often parents will confront the perpetrator (the child who kicked or bit or threw something or whatever caused the injury) as soon as 'something happens,' and this doesn't work very well... so

The Cost of Normal

What if some of what we see as normal is actually the cause of what we see as abnormal? We are inclined to look at things as an individual's problem. A child who won't sleep. A teenager who refuses to eat. A kid wildly different at

Worst Generation of Kids Ever

Browsing through an old portable hard drive, I have discovered some old writing... including some of my terrible, hilarious, weird poetry. This one goes, I think, with the post about how the curmudgeons always claim these kids are the 'worst ever'... check that one out here. Apologies are

Parenting is NOT a Sacrifice

On the comment section of an article about parent's 'sacrifice' for children, I kind of snapped. A bit. Well... ...anyhow... This is a subject that I find deeply annoying, because I was the parent who stayed home with the kids when they were little... and big.

The Journal of Adaptive Architecture Manifesto

Who is this for? Our grandchildren. Who is it not for? Anyone who needs the world to remain exactly as it has always been. When much of our identity depends on believing "this is simply how people are," stepping outside our culture to examine it honestly is extraordinarily

Seeing in New Colours

An exploration of terms and ideas in The Journal There are some words I use that don't mean quite what they usually mean. There are ideas I've been carrying around for years that eventually acquired names. There are things I learned from other people and incorporated

Kids & Chores: Just Stop Asking

The problem with polite Why is it that getting kids to do chores, help out around the house, and generally do what is asked of them, such a frustration for parents? The problem word in the question is 'asked.' I hear parents every day asking their kids if

Why Does My Child Lie?

The surprising truth about Honesty Culture Trite answers fight for top spot in my mind: * because they need practice to get good enough at it to fit in here * because everyone around them does * because they get in trouble (with big helpings of shame) when they don't We

Parents & Stress

AKA: Can I go to ClubMed, please? Everyone experiences stress, but parents—especially full-time and single parents—get an extra dose. What do parents need most? A vacation! Of course! A couple weeks off, and we'll be good for another year, right? Not. One problem with vacations, particularly

The Stressed Generation

What chaos looks like... Human children exist to become themselves. Not to 'become productive' nor to 'fit into the real world.' Babies are individuals with their own thoughts, feelings, experiences and inner wisdom (especially about their own lives) and it takes a lot of continuous pressure

What Behaviour Management

Gets right... and what it leaves in chaos This part is going to be short: Yes, you can train a chicken to play the piano... or a dolphin (well, a female dolphin – the boys are very badly behaved) to jump through hoops and do backflips... For a while. While the

The Results are Inevitable

Derivatives (but not the math kind... ) Our entire society seems to live this framework: 1. Pick a metric (goals need to be SMART --something, MEASURABLE, three other things) 2. Determine which behaviour creates those outcomes 3. Control (reward, bribe, punish, threaten, whatever) for those behaviours Press play. Why are we

🍪🥄 Cookies and Spoons

🍪🥄🍪🥄🍪🥄🍪🥄🍪🥄🍪 Of late, I have been spending a lot of spoons* on re-arranging my back end technology. A few things came to my attention, including a large upcoming renewal bill... while at the same time my concern for data residency has been growing. In the process, I discovered a new metric:

These fish aren't wet...

Where are you swimming in unnoticed conditions? A fish doesn't know it's wet. Not because it's stupid, but because it's entirely surrounded by water for its entire existence (let's not talk about flying fish at this moment...) I've

Realign Your Parenting Goals in Just 5 Minutes

So... you have a 'why' in parenting... do you know what it is? Parenting is a beautiful, messy, and deeply meaningful journey. In the day-to-day chaos, it’s easy to lose sight of what truly matters. Today, I'm inviting you to take a moment to realign

Do your kids get along well with one another?

Families are so important to us, and our connections and memories last a lifetime... And in many families, kids are frequently bickering, squabbling, or actually physically fighting and injuring one another. Are you getting pulled in to take sides, referee or treat the injuries? Every family has a unique way

The question that changed everything...

What is the problem this behaviour was trying to solve? Years ago, I noticed something strange: The parents I babysat for, the business owners in my network, the moms who came to the mom's group I led weren't bad at solving problems. They were working incredibly

things that aren't what...

...they seem... For years, I've been noticing something.  Some things improve when we apply more force, Some things get dramatically worse. Say: sleep. Or trust. Learning. Marriages. Sibling relations. To quote from a friend of my brother's: If it's jammed, force it; if it