The Stressed Generation
What chaos looks like...
Human children exist to become themselves. Not to 'become productive' nor to 'fit into the real world.'
Babies are individuals with their own thoughts, feelings, experiences and inner wisdom (especially about their own lives) and it takes a lot of continuous pressure and coercion to create compliance and 'good behaviour' in front of the authorities.
Authorities, in each case might be parents, a parade of changing daycare workers, teachers, neighbours, parents of friends, employers, the infamous 'they' who are invoked for their life-threatening 'what they might think...' to newscasters, influencers on social media, friends, siblings, step-parents, celebrities, grandparents and other relatives, politicians, spiritual leaders, authors...
Even new babies respond to what is happening with themselves and outside themselves, trying to make sense of the world, become themselves, and develop as fast as they can. They need the basics to survive, but socially and emotionally, they also need autonomy (they can trust their own bodies and senses) and attachment (they need biggers to protect and supply all of what they need and can't get for themselves ... for a large part of the first two decades of their lives.)
When they are constantly in environments, cultures, societies, and systems where neither are even acknowledged, much less met, the inner turmoil starts early.
Babies come with instincts...
...sorry past scientists and experts who believe we're 'more evolved' than the rest of the mammals; reality wins...
...that prime them for stability, nurturing eye contact and attuned carers. They know how to take turns, and flirt, naturally. They look for loving eyes of people who are available to connect with, and who understand them. They expect to get their needs met when they cry out, and when they don't, they're confused, alarmed, and anxious.
That is: when they don't have people responding swiftly and gently with what they need, they try to figure that out.
Their bodies and their brains know there is something deeply wrong. There is very distressing research about high stress in very young children, with the health side effects that used to be the most common in people in their late 50s and 60s: atheriosclerosis, type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol, fatty liver disease, high blood pressure, metabolic syndrome...
Over time, young children have to make sense of this, with all the maturity and experience they have available: it's clear that something wrong with them. The idea that it could be the culture doesn't occur to people until they are at least 7 or 8... and by then, they're often so immersed in it, they can't see it at all.
Their bodies adapt. Their personalities adapt. Even their developmental path adapts.
The turmoil within becomes visible from the outside.
The child is becoming distressed, striving to fit in, or rejecting society, and carrying a belief that they're just the wrong kind of person – to be loved and listened to.
And we lose something precious and irreplaceable: the unique individual whole human being who is becoming themselves.